Monday, May 12, 2008

Confessions of a wannabe runner

last saturday, beautiful day. gimpy-in-bed-all-day husband who will watch the kids. time for some running. i strap on my brand new running shoes and head out the door. six miles. piece of cake. i can do this. in my sleep. or not. i start running. maybe i am too used to the treadmill. where is my csi. or survivor. or dexter. or anything. keep running. focus on the music. this isn't so bad. nice weather. wind in my hair. oh my gosh it's hot. i think i wore too many clothes. take off long sleeved shirt and throw in bushes. mental note, come back and pick this up later. cannot forget. i love that shirt. must keep running. cannot stop and walk when i have not even been running a mile. only losers do that. or me. can not breathe. this kinda sucks. legs hurt. knees hurt. why do i do this to myself....oooh jack johnson. i love him. he's hot. can't wait to see him in august. i can run to this. get in the groove. why is it that every guy that passes has to check out my...(really) great running skills. i know their nice. (jeesh.what did you think i was going to say?)pick up the pace. Fergie, i love ya sister but i'm gonna have to skip ya. sorry. big girls do cry. must find good song to run to. we go. a little Aerosmith..which reminds me. Aerosmith guitar hero. can't wait. love me some guitar hero. oh shiz. a hill. i can do this. i think i can. i think i can. i think i can die now. have not run this route since marathon training. those were the good old days. and nights. and mornings. at 4:00 am. hey, i think i peed in that person's yard. and that one too. yep. i'm almost sure i did. halfway there and in the groove. got a good pace going. thinking how lucky i am to be able to do this. thinking about guy in wheelchair at mile 7 of marathon watching all the runners. thinking of mile 7 at the marathon. holy crapola. did i really do that??!! eye of the tiger. must run faster. must refrain from punching in the air as i run. think rocky balboa. think strong. think thrown out shoulder. downhill. this is nice. kick up the pace. oh crap. laughing my butt off. thinking of one early morning run with kamie. thought we were going to be attacked by some man standing in the middle of the road. turns out it was a construction barrel. hey, there could be men that are four feet tall. and orange. and their names are oompa-loompas. in the home stretch. what's this? a parade for me? oh crap. forgot about opening day of baseball. please don't let this be like a high school reunion. please don't let me see anyone i know. suck in gut. run faster. think 5 min mile. c'mon ac-dc. carry me through. almost there. pick up discarded shirt from earlier. cross highway. only 3 houses away. 2. 1. flop on grass. screw the stretching. i am finished! that wasn't so bad. it almost feels as good as this:

almost.but then again.not quite.


Damon said...

hilarious! this is the excellent writing I came to know and love in the SHS rag.

Great story, you ARE nuts. I can't believe anyone would willingly run that far. (you know, without being chased by a little orange man with a gun or something).

Jimi said...

Flo- I'm sorry to put this so publicly out there...but I forgot just how "unendowed" you used to be, in your running form I mean...I wish I could improve my running form to be more like you! :)

Lewis & Florrie said...

Jimi, AHA! I knew it! You are jealous of my "running skills." Aren't you glad I finally went through puberty....(with my running that is.) Maybe one day you can become a runner too....Love ya!