What the Crap! (Literally)

I just had a harrowing and grisly experience. Let me relate it to you. I went into the kitchen to start prep on my dinner that I'm making for the (Dad's in my life) tonight. I pulled out the shrimp and studied the package. Something looked different.....what's this? Headless shell on shrimp......Are you kidding me???? I bought the wrong kind of shrimp. Now I have to pull the skin off all these little suckers.....Oh well......I can do this. And then: I realize something else. These shrimp are not DE VEINED! Oh my gosh. Now I am ready to swear. I mean really swear. For all you shrimp lover's out there, and even for all you haters too, let me break it down for you. Down the top and bottom of the shrimp runs a blackish looking "vein", only this is a clever misnomer to make people feel more secure. Folks, for those of you who don't know, or even realize this, the "vein" is really their digestive tract. So, in essence, when you are scraping this little sucker out, you are really cleaning out all the poop that is in the shrimp. Lovely huh?

Well, I gird up my loins....I mean REALLY gird up my loins. I have to do this right? I can't just chuck 2 pounds of shrimp in the garbage and serve chicken instead......as much as I might want to. And what's a little shrimp poop anyway? Let me tell you, a little shrimp poop is not all it's cracked up to be. Not more than halfway into the process I am mentally cursing my poor shopping skills. I am also discovering that not all shrimp are created equal.....nor do they poo equal. Every time I come across a shrimp with a "clean" digestive tract, I praise them in my mind. ("Good shrimp. Way to not eat anything before you died a terrible death. I appreciate your will power. I thank you. My family thanks you." ) THEN there are those other shrimp, the ones that ate, I swear, like a midget or something! ("Oh you dang shrimp! How dare you be so gluttonous. Don't you have any will power whatsoever! What the HE$$ did you eat anyway?"....and gagging and dry heaving ensue).

But needless to say, I did it! (Yay me). I cleaned those little suckers so dang good there was not a poop in sight......and then I looked around my kitchen. Holy Crap! Literally. My kitchen counter looked like an outhouse for shrimp. There was poop and veins and shells and legs and I'll spare you anymore details.....cause I've given you enough already. I quickly cleaned up the "poop scene" and got rid of all the evidence. For you see, tonight I have to serve this lovely dinner....and If I ain't eatin' the shrimp kabobs.....well I guess you know why.


*Disclaimer: For all those those family members who must partake of this fine dinner, please trust me. I did clean those little suckers.....I Promise!