Blog Diarrhea

Go ahead, grab your Immodium and some toilet paper.....I've got a case of the blogging "runs" and it may not be pretty.....You never know what's going to come out of my head and find it's way into this post..... It should make for a grand adventure.....

**So Savannah says to me today, "Mom, I'm glad you're so pretty.....and that you clean.....and that you're not a nakey Mom."
Savannah, thank you for thinking that I'm pretty and I do like to think of myself as a pretty "clean" person. Also, I'm glad I'm not a "nakey" Mom, either. 'Cause if I were naked, it definitely would not be pretty, and cleaning.....well, you can just count that right out. (Can you just picture naked vaccumming......EWWWW.)

**In my futile attempt to lose X amount of weight and to just generally maker healthier choices, I am drinking a TON of water. (They say you should drink half your weight in ounces of water daily.) I found that this is posing a HUGE problem whenever I want to go anywhere. (Do you know how many times a day you have to use the "potty" when you drink that much water??? And how frequently.) Today I decided to run out to the party store to buy stuff for Savy's birthday party. I was in the car 20 minutes, 20 MINUTES PEOPLE, and there was a moment where I thought I was going to have to pull off the side of the road, put on one of B's diapers, and well, use your imagination for the rest. ( Does this seem extreme, and just plain perverted? Yes, it does, but I want you to keep in mind that two people I dearly love did this very thing.....stuck in the middle of a traffic jam. When you gotta go, you gotta go.....and no, I'm not naming any names, so don't ask.) Then, when I got to the party store, wouldn't you know that there was someone in the woman's bathroom, so what do you think I did??? Headed straight into the men's, of course. (A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.) Plus, really, how many men do you think would be shopping at the party store at 12:30 on a Tuesday afternoon? Right. None. Now, I am feeling like an invalid, stuck in her house all day, 'cause her bladder, (which is the size of a pea), will not let her make even small outings possible. Why do I do this to myself????

** To all the parents of the children Savy invited to her party,
It was purely HER idea to buy the whoopie cushions and "really loud whistles" (a direct quote from her.) I am sorry if you don't agree, but hey, don't yell at me when your child comes home making all sorts of "fun" noises.....blame the 4 year old. (By the way, for those of you who know my dear little Savannah, would you have expected her to pick anything less? I think not.)

**And on this sad day in history, our dear Braden has finally grasped the concept of the Yes/No thing. (Previously he just answered "No" to everything, which did not pose a problem as we all became fluent in deciphering what really meant "Yes" by his tone.) This morning, he was lying in bed with me, and I asked him if he wanted to go and get breakfast. He looked right at me, and said "Yeah." Gasp. Daggers through my heart. I knew this day was coming, but really, why do your kids have to grow up???

**We just got home from spending the weekend in fabulous St. George and I have spent the last couple days figuring out how I can quit my job, move my family to St. George, and do absolutely nothing but swim, eat, sleep, relax, read, eat and swim. We, of course, had a dandy time doing just that. We swam until we were in a swimming coma, ate until we were ready to burst, and just had a great time together as a family. (Can't wait until Thanksgiving when we can do it all again.) If you notice the lack of pictures for said event, it is because I forgot my camera. But how can you forget your camera, you might ask? Aren't you a scrapbooker? Aren't you the self-dubbed "family historian." Well, I'll tell you how you can forget your camera: It's called "save-packing-for-the-last-minute-because-you're-still-doing-laundry-and-cleaning-your-house-plus-when-you-pack-for-five-people-you-tend-to-lose-you're-ever-lovin'-mind!" That's how you can forget your camera!

**In my futile attempts to watch more T.V, I will do just that. Watch. More. T.V. I love Premiere time. I've got my DVR working over time, Baby, and I love it! All my favorite shows back on the air.....what more could a girl ask for? ( Except a vacation.... and a new wardrobe.....renovations on my house...... and miraculous weight loss of X pounds, without having to do anything but watch T.V......a trip to the spa....and a "hot" mirror for every room in my house. And if I were the President, I would give every woman in the U.S those very things.)

Hope you enjoyed the diarrhea. Did I say it was going to be pretty?? No. But I hope it was worth it. Now, off to the "potty" I go.

PEACE OUT!

Candy Cane Jar

I'm royally screwed....that's all I can say. Because I told one {teeny} little white lie, I am in a heap of trouble. Let me tell you how it started:

My darling Savy celebrates her 4th birthday on October 4th. (That's a golden birthday, for those of you who don't know.....when you turn the age that your birthday is on.) We have been excited for many a month now......okay well, mainly Savannah has been excited. So, after much debate about what to buy the dear girl for her "golden" day, I decided on this little ditty:

After all, the girl loves dolls. And there are not many things more cute than this bitty baby from American girl. Plus, since it's her birthday and all, I bought this very special birthday outfit.

Now let's not even discuss the amount of shipping that I had to pay in order to insure that the doll arrived in time for her b-day. (Let's just say that I could have purchased a small island in the south pacific for what I paid.) Okay, fast forward a few days. The said package arrives on porch. Of course Savannah happens to be home.....just my luck. (They never come when the children are actually at school. )She asks what the package is. Now here is the crucial moment. I could have just told her that it was for her dad and left it at that. Instead I decide to tell her the truth. "Well honey, this is a package that mom ordered for your birthday. It has your present inside." (instantly regretting my honesty.) Her eyes light up, and not expecting anything less, she asks "What is it?" "Mommy can't tell you that, Savy, then you would know what you're getting for your birthday. You don't want to know what your present is beforehand, do you?"

But, of course, she persists.....with he persistence of a 3, almost 4 year old.....which is pretty persistent, if you know what I mean. I finally crack: "Well Savy, inside this box is your very own jar of........(and in a split second, in my mind, that is what I said to myself.......you can't really tell her what her present is. You'll have to tell her something that is totally unbelievable so she will know you are just kidding.....say "jar of spiders" no.....don't say jar of spiders.....that's too traumatizing......what mother buys a jar of spiders for her daughters "golden birthday".....say jar of......) Um, a jar of candy canes. (What???? I just said jar of candy canes???? Jar. of. Candy. Canes. Where the heck did I just pull that from????)

I cannot even describe to you the joy that was on her face. It was like "a jar of candy canes just for me? I couldn't ask for anything better" sort of look. And then later, I caught her telling two of her friends that her mom bought her a candy cane jar for her birthday. And when Kylie got home from school, Savannah went right to her and whispered her a secret. When I asked what the secret was, Kylie, with a very puzzled look on her face said, "She says she's getting a candy cane jar for her birthday."

Oh what a tangled web we weave.......now, when I ask Savy what she wants for her birthday, the answer is no longer a baby doll......it is a DANG Candy Cane jar. Does she know how much I just spent on that doll.....does she know that a candy cane jar will do nothing more than rot your teeth out of your head......does she know that her mother lied to her, and when she opens her presents up on that special day and there is nary a candy cane jar in sight, will it forever scar her????? What should I do people? Should I just hope that the excitement over the new baby doll will overpower the desire for the dang candy cane jar? Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I Googled it to see if it even existed and I came up with this glorious little jewel:

And there you have it folks......a freakin' CANDY CANE JAR!

For only $1.52 + shipping. A bargain if you ask me.

And also, who in their right mind buys this sort of thing anyway....just wonderin'?

Saturday was a SPECIAL day.....

But why? You may find yourself asking. Isn't Saturday merely the day you get ready for Sunday? Oh no, my friends. Saturday is the day I got to babysit my brand new nephew for the very first time. ( I have Nana to thank for this. She is obviously number 1 on the list, but she up and headed off to Spain for two weeks, so I guess that left li'l old me. Well guess what, I'd take Will over Spain any day!) I am pleased to know that I am numero dos on the list. Okay, I actually don't believe that is for certain, but I probably owe Dave and Aubree the most free babysitting. ('Cause I have to catch up for the nine years that they babysat for moi. I have A LOT more free babysitting to do, if you catch my drift. )Plus, not to offend any of Will's other Aunt's who might be reading this post, but I secretly believe I am the favorite aunt. Sorry guys. Will whispered it to me when I was watching him. Too bad.

We were way excited to have him over to our humble abode. All the kids were beyond thrilled to have a baby in the house again.....which, quite frankly, opened up the whole "Mom, why don't you have another baby?" can of worms. I asked Lew if he wanted to adopt a cousin for Will, but he was not too sure about that. I guess we will just have to get our baby fix by watching him whenever we can. The kids gave Will the "grand tour" of the house.....and it was grand. They showed him their bedrooms, Mom and Dad's bedroom, the bathroom.....you know, all sorts of things that an 8 week old is interested in seeing. They were jumping around with pure excitement and only jumped on Will a couple of times. (JUST KIDDING Dave and Aubs....I just wanted to make sure that you were paying attention.) He was such a good boy.....you should be proud of yourselves for training him to be such a good baby. (Gosh, that sounds like I'm talking about a pet or something....but you get my drift.)

We were sad to see him go. He was sad to go. You know how I know this? Because I snapped this picture as his Dad was picking him up to put him in his car seat and take him away from us. Poor Will. Bring him back to us soon.....we miss him already!!

P.S Dave and Aubree....thanks for the AWESOME cupcakes that you brought me from your trip to the Spa......yeah, I totally ate both of them.....no regrets. They were amazing! I bet ya'll wish you coulda had one of these babies......PURE HEAVEN. I may go back tomorrow to get two more. Don't judge me.

Hot Mirror

There is a phenomenon in my house known as the "hot mirror." Let me break it down for you....and I know all you ladies know what I'm talking about. There are certain mirrors that one comes across that are more flattering than other mirrors. As a person of the female persuasion, I happen to know where these mirrors exist. (For example, the Provo Towne Center downstairs public bathrooms have great mirrors....very flattering. However, do not go into American Eagle (in the same mall) and expect that you will even look like the same person. Those mirrors are of the devil.) Well, I, Florrie I. Nuttall, have my very own mirror of wonder in my humble abode. I have deemed it the "hot mirror" because I look totally hot every time I look in this mirror. My thighs look skinnier, my hair looks better, my face looks younger, heck, even my hoo-haas look bigger......not that I really need the latter, but still, you get my drift. This "hot mirror" is not to be confused with "skinny mirror" which is downstairs in my basement. I visit "skinny mirror" periodically when I am exercising downstairs, and while I appreciate "skinny mirror" for it's ability to make me look 20 pounds lighter, it does not have the self-esteem booster that "hot mirror" has. The only problem with "hot mirror" is that exists inside my curio cabinet. So, in order to get a view of the goods, one has to crouch past various knick-knack paddy wacks, and bob and weave to get a clear view. But, in my mind, TOTALLY worth it. I mean, to come across a "hot mirror" is a once in a lifetime opportunity.....and I feel it is a gift to own one of these priceless jewels in my very own home.

And now, off to check in "hot mirror" to see how I look for my date with my hubby tonight. My prediction??? I'll bet I'll look totally HOT.

Old

I'm not that old, am I? No wait....don't really answer that question. I know in a few months I'll be turning the terrifying age of.....well, I guess I don't really have to announce that, do I? But still....I don't think of myself as being much older than 20. Well tonight I got a reality check. Dear, dear Zachary was telling me about the story that he read at school. It involved kids going to school in the "old-fashioned" days.....you know, the days of little house on the prairie when all the grades (K-12) were in one school room. He then proceeds to ask me if it was like that when I was a little girl????

WTF. How old does the kid think I am??? Sigh. I guess I should get some more sleep at night because these bags under my eyes are making my son think that I was born sometime in the 20th century! Jeesh.....just what the heck are they teaching kids in school nowadays???

Dear Zachary,

Insulting your mother will get you nothing more than a trip to bed early.....without ice cream.....and more chores tomorrow.....like scrubbing my kitchen floor.....so just watch it buster!

Love, Mom

Shoes

Oh Kylie. Always and forever will you be my little fashionista.

This morning Kylie and I had a debate....a shoe debate, if you will.

She wanted to wear her little, cute, wedge heel, strappy, white sandals.

They are/were usually reserved for church wear.

She thought they would look just "darling" with her outfit that she was wearing.

She was right.

They did.

Me, the ever-practical mother, worried about her little tootsies in said shoes for 8 hours.

She didn't.

"I'll be fine, Mom," she tells me.

"But what if you want to run, jump and play at recess? Can you do those things in those shoes?"

"Oh Mom, (soundly freakishly like a 13 year old, instead of a 7 year old) I hardly ever run around.....and jump roping, well, I never do that anymore."

So, after much debating back and forth....she won.

"She'll learn her lesson after 8 hours, " I thought.

"She'll see that good old mom was right after all."

And while I was doing her hair, she mused:

"I just like those shoes so much because they're....cute.

It's too bad that they don't make cute shoes more comfortable.

But that's okay.....I still want to wear them because they're so.....cute."

Oh Kylie, wise beyond your years.

May you always pick style over comfort.

But probably you won't.

Because look at me......only 30 and arguing for Pumas over cute, strappy sandals.

Who woulda thunk.

Love me, Love my Doll

There. Really. Are. No. Words.

Okay, really....there are words. I just don't know if I'm allowed to speak them....and I've never been one that's short on words. In July my sister came into town. One day we were down in my scrapbook room just chillin'. This is how the conversation went:

Me: Oh my goodness....I saw the most disturbing show the other night on BBC America....

Sister: (cutting me off) Was it called Love me, Love my Doll??

Me: Nooooo.....not quite. But that's an interesting topic. Let's come back to that. (I then proceeded to tell her about the program that I watched, that quite frankly, had NOTHING to do with dolls of any sort.)

And then after that, we most certainly discussed. There is a lot to talk about when you are discussing a program with a title like "Love me, Love my doll."

I have watched and watched for the program to be rebroadcasted. Well, this past Sunday, good old Sis called all the way from Ohio and told me to tune in. And tune in I did......can you just say scarred for life?

I have never watched something so creepy and horrific in my life. The premise? A documentary (this means "true" people!) about adult men and their (ahem) life like dolls. I am crappin' you not. These men pay roughly $10,000 for each one of these dolls....and one perv had 8 of them. I would like to say to him..... well, I don't think I can say out loud what I would like to say to him. Lewis and I could hardly believe our eyes. It felt cheap. It felt dirty. It felt like watching a horrific train wreck that you could just not turn away from. The fact that men like these exist in this world made me want to vomit.

So, if you're ever scrolling through the channels and come across this program....and if you totally want an eye opening experience into the world of "real" dolls.....and if you want to be haunted for the rest of your life....then maybe, just maybe, you'll watch it.

Or not.

P.S I did want to save it to my DVR so that any of my curious peeps who wanted to pop over and watch it could, but then I realized that my children might tune into it in the wee hours of the morning when I am too lazy to get my butt out of bed....and that would be a nightmare! Not to mention, would open up a whole can of worms that shan't be opened up for a very long time....if you get my drift. So, delete....it's gone. Sorry.

School's In....free time here I come, baby!

So, I am long overdue in writing this post. For my oldest two kids, school has been in session for a few weeks now. Other than the fact that I am a severe slacker in the blogging business lately, I have been waiting until Savy started pre-school so that I could do one post all together. Well, alas, that day has come....and gone. But, better late than never. Lately, my house has been very quiet. With three kids gone to school on {most} days, I am starting to get a glimpse into my future and it looks GLORIOUS (and I'm not gonna lie, slightly terrifying as well.) One kid is so much easier (and quieter..... unless you have a child like Braden) than four, but it is also so lonely. Today I went out and ran errands, just B and I, and I hardly knew what to do with myself. Oh yeah.......now I remember what I did with myself. I totally put Braden in the wrong car seat (Savy's to be precise), didn't strap him in, and started driving down the road to get on the freeway. After glancing back to talk to him a couple of times, my brain suddenly said, "something is not quite right about this." Braden was just sitting there, as cute as can be, as free as the wind.....oh my......and I have four kids????? Sometimes I can't take care of just one. Sometimes I wonder what I'll do with myself when all of my kids are in school. (This is the point where Lewis tells me that online shopping is not a career.) I guess we will just cross that bridge when we come to it. And if you see me out and about with my ONE child in tow, please remind me that shopping is not the only thing I could/should be doing with my free time and that it is the law to buckle your children up! Until then: enjoy some cute pics of the kiddos first day of school....even if they are a little late!

Zachary and Kylie on their first day of school. Zach is in the 4th grade (yowza...am I really that old), and Kylie started the 2nd grade. Aren't they too dang cute.

My sweet Savy showing off her new school bag.

Savy's first day of school was so exciting for her. She looked forward to it all summer long, but the closer it got, the more nervous she got. I was prepping myself not to have a breakdown when I dropped her off ( I am a self proclaimed BABY), and I was totally being strong until I looked down and saw her lower lip trembling. I had to hurry and run out of the teacher's house, get into my car, and cry my ever-lovin' eyes out. I can't believe how old she is....all grown up. SIGH.